I am married to a fisherman. So are a few of my friends. I have decided to use this blog to reach out to other women who's men are away for long periods of time. My goal is to find out how they cope with life's challenges while their loved ones are at work, and what positive results can come from such a relationship. I will be adding to this blog as often as I receive new material so feel free to check in anytime.
My husband and I actually met at sea. I graduated from Western Washington University with a degree in English in 1989. An old roommate tried to give me a lead on a job at Microsoft but I was insecure and felt I needed to shed a few pounds first. For some reason, this led me to a job at sea on a fishing vessel. It was a 320 foot catcher-processor and I was one of about 100 or so key and processing crew. I started out in the factory as a processor and lost those pounds pretty quick with the 12 to 14 hour work days. Anyway, eventually I became a purser on the vessel and met my future husband who was a production manager. We were friends for a long time before we actually dated but that's another story. I worked in the industry for twelve years so I have a pretty good idea of what our spouses go through out there.
Now that I am retired from fishing and my husband still goes to sea, I find myself presented with new challenges. I have spent a lot of time with my man and I feel a big emptiness when he is gone. I also become the only caretaker of two homes as we own both our home and a rental. I retired from my previous job as a Montessori assistant teacher because we wanted to travel when he's home and can't really do that with a full time job. This has left me with a gap to fill while he's gone and also with the feeling that I'm not contributing financially to the household.
The positive side is that I get to pursue my interests which include: enjoying my grandchildren, working out, socializing, hopefully getting into some volunteer work, soul searching, reading and writing. Some of these interests I also take part in while my hubby is home but I try to pamper him a little since I know what it's like at sea.
Cru's husband also works at sea. She informed me her husband dated her for seven years before they married because he said they were only around each other for three of those years. They now have two kids ages 7 and 9. He tried to retire from fishing when the kids were born because he wanted to be home with them but couldn't find a job that compared financially. He also found that he could spend a lot of time with them when he's home, more so than if he actually had a nine to five job. I spent the night over at Cru's house just after our guys went to sea and could feel that something was missing in their household. She says some of the challenges she faces are that she gets very down when he leaves and feels overwhelmed. All of a sudden she has all of the chores and responsibilities and feels like she's not enough for the kids by herself. Cru feels like she's softer with the kids and there isn't a consistency between when he's home and when he's away. They have learned to have a meeting with just the two of them when he gets home so she can update him on the new rules and regulations so he'll back her up. He is grumpy when he gets home and says he needs to acclimate and then stresses out when it's time to go again. He says he doesn't mind the work, just doesn't like to be gone.
Cru says the positive side of being married to a fisherman is that they get to take some great vacations when he's home and they are able to pay the bills. She enjoys the companionship they get to experience when he's home and the fact that he can greet the kids when they get home from school. Cru also likes the freedom to explore her own interests when he's around and when he's gone. If he's home with the kids, then she has the freedom to go visit her friends and have outings to horse ranches and scrapbook parties. If he's gone, she does more with the kids and extended family.
I've recently been introduced to someone who is brand new to the experience of being with a fisherman. Steff is engaged to someone who left fishing years ago and recently returned due to the economy. I am being provided with some fresh insight into what I felt like 5 years ago when I quit fishing. Steff says it's a lot more difficult than she imagined and the first week she felt sad, numb, confused, and sad some more. Some of the challenges she faces are balancing full time work with care for their four dogs, taking care of everything at the house and realizing that she can only accomplish a few things at a time. She also worries about her fiance's safety and misses spending time with him. Another lesson came up when she found out he didn't really want to know what problems needed fixing at home. She was firmly reminded by her spouse that there was nothing he could do about the present predicament she was in and please don't stress him out with stuff he is unable to help with. Steph also shared that she talks to the dogs alot. I can relate because I tend to talk to my kitties quite often too. No, we are not crazy - we just need to hear our thoughts voiced once in awhile!
One thing that Steff is gaining from her experience is a new appreciation for her other half. She didn't realize how much he meant to her until he was gone. She also says she really feels for the military wives who have husbands gone for even longer periods of time and in more dangerous situations. If she can make it through this ordeal, Steff feels her relationship will be even stronger.
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